Syria Later

Its been six months of silence. Was it worth it? Hell yeah... the stories I’ve gathered in the last six months in Sirya will fuel me with countless hours of anecdotes and the scaring emotional and otherwise will help to validate my street cred.

To recount the last several months here would ruin the made for tv movie I am licsencing right now with Nickelodian but basically a mass email I sent in 2001 in New Zealand letting friends and family know about how a cop approached my friend and I as we were pushing our car along the side of a highway into a parking lot. He stopped to ask if we needed help and when we assured him that we were fine and we were just pushing the car instead of driving it for fun he asked for ID, took mine and said “I looked much better without my Taliban beard”- this simple, yet funny comment triggered a long chain of events that led to me being on the watched list, a photo of me in Egypt wearing one of their dresses was the final straw and in ? while biking home from the laundry I was picked up with a hook on a stealth helicopter and braught to Syria for a little Q&A. It was pretty much what you would expect. I ate a rat, I invented a type of Sudoku that only used 8 number and I learnt how to say Hamburger in Farci. They eventually realized I was a goof and knew nothing about terrorism except I can quote the entire dialogue from Top Gun and I love BB guns.

As my time there wound to an end I became more and more stoked since I figured I was not only not going to be killed but I would probably get a lot of money out of it. Boy was I suckered, more suckered then Cory Feldman at the Neverland Ranch. They gave me a $250 gift certificate for J.C. Penny because they lost all my clothes and then cab fare to get home from the airport.

Since then, I have been eating 15 timbits a day and doing ten push-ups while listening to LCD Soundsystem trying to reacclimatize to North America. Syrian TV is way more interesting than CSI 5 nights a week.