Wise words

A wise man just told me that everyday is a battle against man's two worst enemies: laziness and apathy. Let today's battle begin.

An easy way to date yourself

As I leafed through archived editions of the newspaper today I found myself eerily dating myself. The early nineties seem so long ago but looking at the covers of the musicians popular at the time brings back the fact that I wasnt so young then. Grim Skunk, young Liz Phair, Wowee Zowee freshly released, montreal's own Men Without Hats. Im not young anymore. I also noticed another thing. People always look like dorks five years down the road.

Stop watching Lost if anyone is. Its one of tvs newest worst shows. Man, how are people paid to write, produce and develope that shit. Its the equivalent of me shitting in a bag daily and selling it to street bums for a nickel. Its just wrong and gross.

The chutes of hell

The rapid descent from glory to the pits of hell is not as some would like, a leisurely jaunt down the lazy river, legs dangling over the edge of life's inner tube. No, its more comparable to being hurled down a river, gasping for air, only to fill your lungs before a vertical trajectory off the water fall onto the rocks below. My bike just weeks ago was the leader of the pack, the envy of my friends, honestly my pride and joy. Several moons later its carreer is more washed up that the bublous Maradona snorting coke off the sidewalk and doing male hookers, ugly ones. Its simply pu,t a piece of junk. I remember fondly going for midnight bike rides just for the fun of it, loving the sensation of cruising along. Me and my bike. Those days seemed eons away last night as I walked my bike up the hill. Late, gripped in the thralls of a tenacious cold, weakened, I pushed the bike up a hill because it could, nay, would not make it. The chain on the brink of collapse, the wheel rubbing the frame, the derailer catching in the spokes and my satchel over my shoulder. The bike is still beer boxless. How fast, how harsh, how real life can be.
If I lived closer to water I would drench it in gasoline and ghost ride it to the bike Valhala, as it stands I will hit it with a rench and cross my fingers that it will get me to work today.

Kates in TO for a couple of days so ladies, bikini whip cream party at my house tonight...

A funny looser

Every time I sign into this site now there are a list of blogs of the day to check out. Everynow and then the titles are interesting enough to bring me in. This one was pretty funny, its a guy talking about all the girls he used to date... this entry is my favorite. He dated stellar ladies, all top class.

Sarah

My sweet little Sarah, probably the greatest part of my time at PTI. She had kickass dirty blonde hair that hung down past her shoulders......she stood maybe up to about my chin. sweet as can be with a little bit of a bitch attitude that only showed itself in times of need. she had a great little boy named brian to some dumbass, deadbeat named Mike. he didnt deserve her or brian. i spent a couple days over at sarahs with her, brian and her mom. her mom was really cool. sarah and i wouldhang out at school and then one day mike came back into the picture....and thats when i met Jamie. but one of my fondest memories is the trip to washington DC......i was up at joe's alnight the night before.......we went to meet the bus and i met up with sarah, we sat on the bus together and then hung out in DC together...it was so much fun. then on the way home on the bus. sarah and i cuddled up and fell asleep on each other.

i talked to her a few months ago....just out of the blue i called her...she was happy to hear from me. she is still with mike, brian is as tall as her and she has another kid. she recently got laid off and mike is collecting workman's comp, cause he was hit by a car.

god i feel bad for her, she deserve so much better.

im sorry sarah

Three things I've learnt

I had somewhat of an educational weekend. Being the scholarly type that I am I always encourage extra learning so Im happy. The first thing I learnt is that University sporting events are good bars. Went to watch a UdeM soccer game against UQUAM and they were playing rock tunes over the intercome and they had beer for sale for 3.75 and the same price for Bailey's and Coffee/Hot Choc. What an awesome idea to seel booze at university sporting events. Lots of university babes around too so it was like a big outdoor bar without dancing and with lots of big screen soccer.
The second thing I learnt is that bikes learn to drive themselves. If you somehow drink enough to black out your bike will take care of you and get you home. They are like horses in that they know the route home if you dont. They dont know to lock themselves up though so you have to remember to lock them if nothing else.
The third thing I learnt is that parties without girls are kind of lame sausage fests. Even if you are in a happy and committed relationship and not after scoring babes or even talking to them, if you are at a party with a ratio of girls to boys of 1/10 you might not have a good time.

I hope my learning have enlightened you.

I dont get it

So I make no money, I have big debts, Im not able to make any savings and I work three jobs. Kate works one job shooting for lots of people and this is how it works for her. Does a shoot for Quill and Quire of an author, the author's publicist sends these photos out to people. The Toronto Star calls Kate to buy a photo for their newspaper, then the Ottawa Citizen calls her, then the Calgary Fast Forward calls her. They call her and then they pay her. One work four pay cheques. Then the dude's publisher in NY calls for the 2nd run to use on the jacket. More money for one shoot. She works hard but one day of work for five pay cheques. Kudos for her and her talent but shame on how nothing else works this way. A jackoff friend from NB has scored out with the same thing. Everytime a cell phone call is made in Calgary he makes half a penny or something like that. Not fair. I think his hot wife hooked him up with that though. Hot wife, Ferrari SUV, Condo on the Elbow River and retired by 26, screw him and damnit all to hell with my extreme jealousy.

Freedom 35 looks a long ways away...

Facts

# of states where beastiality is legal: 20
Months that Bush has been on vacation during his 5 years in office: 11
# of toilet seats at the EU parliament building that a Belgian tv station tested for cocain: 46
# of those toilet seats that tested posititve:41
Amount spent on antidrug efforts in Afghanistan last year by the US: $780 million
Amount it would have taken to buy all those drugs instead: $600 million

The world is a messed up place.

Amount of great cats that are new in heaven: 1

Yipee

My prayers to Allah have finally been answered. The montreal Canadians have acquired the key component to bringing the cup back to the hockey holly land. Its not a star forward or a rugged defenceman. Its the action packed, flip on his back, hes high on the smack, Youpie. The former Expo is now a Hab and I must see the habitants jersey suits him well. Whoever said orange and red clashed.

I was just asking Kate about Youpie the other day, I was hoping he was okay and not taking the loss of the Expos too badly. There are a number of ex-mascots that hang out in the alley a few streets away and every week I walked by hoping not to see Youpie huffing gas with the Nordique and the Grizzly from Vancouver. Now I can rest assured he wont be found there. Now I can find my favorite mascott snorting coke off hookers boobs at Super Sex. See you there Youpie.

ultimate incest

Well Kate and I have celebrated something today on her birthday for the first time = ultimate work incest. She has her first photo in our newspaper. Its funny because she knew my boss before I even started working there but nonetheless, I wonder who will think I got her the shoot. Oh well, its a good present for her and now I dont have to buy her anything, plus we are all going to die of the plague soon enough so it would be a waste of money to be buying gifts right now.

Dont go to New Jersey

Im not too sure about the competency of many people. People who I shoud trust I dont. Take for example scientist who work with deadly viruses and the like. They should be pretty reliable and some of the most competent people in the world. They shouldnt lets say, walk out of their offices with ebola on their shoe or let mice out that have the bubonic plague. Well those morons just did that, three mice that have the bubonic plague escaped from a New Jersey lab. Dont worry though, "most likely they are dead by now". Very reassuring, dead mice with the bubonic plague dead in some alley, no rats will find them and eat them there. Those responsible should be given the plague and then all their colleagues could shoot bb guns at them.

The Downfall

I is becoming all to obvious to me that Jesus does not want me to have a bike gang. We were on the cusp on internet stardom with out bike gang before He put his cards on the table and took us down. Just yesterday we had Conor's 4th bike of the summer out of action (late night curb hopping), Kate's bike was chainless, my bike had a mysterious flat tyre (australian spelling) and my derailer was only hanging on by the crooked wheel bolt just waiting to throw me over the handle bars. Spealing of handle bars Mike had to replace his and as such he now has the most solid ride in the gang other than TK3000. DLL has been absent from shreds for weeks. Its all going downhill. JP better have brought us all bb guns or I fear that the ghost riders may disband....

Provigo are not true bastards. They found my check and called my boss. Those bastards know Ill just spend it there on their overpriced shit produce anyway. Locationally inclined shopper that I am.

Albums of the week to play pirate with
Ween - Shinola
Dandy Warhols - odditorium or warlords of mars
Franz Ferdinand - You could have it so much better
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club- Howl (accoutic album that much rocks)

Free movie of the week to avoid - Cry_wolf. Its probably self evident because it even has that small lign in the tiltle giving it away as a lame movie.

Good news for people who like bad news

Well the good ol world hating tuckshow is back. Its not my fault just everything sucks again. I worked a free shift at work on Sunday, that is a free shift after I lost my check after going to the bank and finding no bank envelopes. Im glad I pay those billionaire bank bastards 6 bucks a month for their jack shit service of ripping me off and not even providing enough bank envelopes to last the weekend for Christ sake. Envelopes cost like half a penny cheap assed commie loving babie killers. I am going to suggest to those bastards that I start paying them ten dollars a month to rape me.
At least it was nice going back to the office where my presence was not even missed, only my boss asked me how my vacation was and nobody else even knew I was away. Its good to feel loved. I am going to focus all my hate into constructing things though. Not bombs but things....

Went out for Afghani food last night for the first time. Awesome grub..

Best things about Afghanistan.
1. All things Rambo III
2. The food, so tasty and lambaliscious
3. Playing hide and go seek in the caves of Tora Bora
4. Enjoying a jovial game of buzkashi with a sheep carcas
5. You can nickname all your neighbors Stan

A furry feeling

You know the furry feeling inside, warm and cudly, when you return to something so familiar, so instinctive, that you have not seen for a long time. Just the feeling of comfort and the total sense of ease that comes with knowing something so deeply and fully. Well I got that on my vacation, well actually on my return from vacation to the luggage store where I belong. Somebody please send me a gun so I can shoot myself.

Coming back from vacation makes me 10 times more misreable then before I left.

My Vakachion

My top ten vakachion moments from the maritimes other than just watching skids do their thing

1. Long bus ride with a Rimouski Cougar, its not fair she had two pillows and I had none
2. Getting fresh Homard right off the boat from the Homo fisherman
3. Seeing some girl flash the crowd on the big screen at the Stones show (she wasnt wearing a bra)
4. Seeing Maroon 5 perform in front of 80000 people, dream come true
5. Natural water slides in Cape Bretton and cliff jumping, then getting warmed up by fish chowda
6. Doing flying squirels off of a stranger's diving board while wearing my speedo, her mom loved it
7. Getting within 9 inches of a hole in one after driving my first ball a hundred yards into the woods
8. Having supper with Steve Nash in Halifax
9. Free booze from the folks
10. getting left to sleep in the trunk of a truck covered by three skateboards after we unanimously decided that neither Jackson or I was fit to drive, he went to sleep on a couch
11. boogie boardin in the ocean and getting crushed under a wave, breaking my board in half and nearly crushing my spine, getting up laughing and run for another beer.
12. seeing family and friends, correction; seeing family and friends drunk

Lobsters like chips too