An ominous omen

I cant believe the godamn nerve of some people. Who the hell do they think they are. Im talking about the son of a bitch who stole my bbqbeerbox off the back of my bike today when I was at work. Took it right off my bike, bungee chords and all, and left my reflector and chain fixer on the ground beside it. Luckily I was not headed to a bbq right after work or I would of had no place to put my meat and beer. That sucks. Now I have to go steal another milk crate for StarF*cks.

Well I have a few days to think about it Im headed to Gods country tonight for a vacation. Going to spend a few days getting soused in Cape Bretton and then see if I can see the Stones for less than 30 bucks and then a week in Moncton with the fam so entertain yourself with something else why dont you instead of reading my boring complaints. I suggesst internet gambling, internet porn or internet child trading. I do not suggest stealing peoples bike boxes.

I also should admit that finallly some good footage of the storm devestation came out. Its kind of nuts to see underpasses filled with water.

Until the 8th this is the Tuckshow signing off.
(Do you like that, how I pretend Im important and people actually read this)

So many dissapointed weathermen

I would love to have comparative footage of the weathermen last night and the ones on tv tonight. Last night they were all pitching tents in their pants, they were so damn excited about a potential level 5 Hurricane they just couldnt hide it. Behind their warnings they were just hopping for total destruction. Tonight its like Christmas morning and they didnt get their bb gun. They are so dissapointed about this lousy storm. The footage has been so lame and they know it. The flooding is nuts but nothing else is crazy, I think they are extremely dissapointed with how common this shower and wind fest was.

Check out this site of illustrations people have done of Conan Obrien vs a Bear. I challenge somebody to try and get something up there. I will as soon as I get back.

The BBC news should always replace CCB news even though its cool getting both of my "home towns". Moncton and Montreal are the two only cities with CBCs not on strike. I think it has something to do with all my similarites to Jesus.

Floating fireworks

I learnt something very important this weekend; fireworks float. A fellow Dieppenamese rented a chalet a few hours out of montreal on the weekend and we went up for a night to help him enjoy it. It was a gorgeous place on a great lake blah blah blah... got a few beers into us and then decided fireworks would make the challet much better. We were right. The fireworks escalated into a fireworks battle out on the lake with two boats each equally armed. We were safe though, we all wore PFDs. The roman candles were the best and we had some near hits. The other team (team Sucks), dropped thier roman candle off the side of the boat because they were sissies but it kept shooting off, thats when we discovered that they float. The battle ended with a huge shot out over the lake from the shore. It was great, until the neighbors came down and shot one single shot out over the lake that made ours look like a looser firework.

A new job

Well today is the first day of my new job, my new job is pretend I have Kate's career. My new job just started but Im already quite busy and darn successful. I dont have much time to write today because I am heading off to Lake Placid to assist a shoot for Time magazine. Ill try to squeeze some time in later between shoots for the Gazette and weddings but it will be tough because the Toronto Star keeps calling to buy some pictures. Geez its not easy being so successful. At least now I dont have to feel bad about my girlfriend being way more successful than me. We are equally successful now that we have the same job. Ahhh, life is good.

Finally

I finallly fixed my bike. The wheel tilts at a 5 degree angle but still, walking is for loosers and biking is for cruisers.

Hold your horses

"Screw off, dont shoot me." Conor said right before I shot him with a plastic bullet bb gun. I knew it wouldnt hurt him because I just shot myself in the foot, when JP complained that we should stop I shot him in the ribs to prove it didnt hurt. Several minutes later we all gathered in the kitchen for a barn burning dance session. Even Erock was givin it. This was Saturday at ten, this was after some tasty Vodka cocktails. This was either the start or the end of a very fun night, Im still not sure.

The weekend was a fun one all things considering i.e. my bike is still out of commission, Mike is still coaching his brother on how to write essays (his brother is older than I) and Kate working. Conor is all batty because of the intense studying so putting a beer in his hands is funner than usual. We ended up having so much fun that two girls beat us at fooseball at the bar by a misreable score of 8-2. Under normal situations we would have crushed them, not just because they are girls but because we are good at fooseball. I still dont know why being drunk makes me a bad fooseball player. I concentrate so much and I still suck. I guess I need to practice more when Im drinking. It must be like drunk driving, the more you do it the better you are at it.

I finally figured out whats going on in Israel. Here is a resume for all those still in the dark and who want to catch up. Well last month there was a friendly international soccer game betwen Israel and Palestinia. The president of Palestinia bet the governer of Israel that his countrie's team would win. The Israeli governer was confident that his team would win so instead of betting on the usual harem of virgins they bet on the Gazza strip. (The Gazza strip was good bartering tender because it was named after England soccer legend Paul "Gazza" Gascoin in 1990 after he cried getting a yellowcard in the quarterfinals of the world cup. The then Isreali governer was so captivated by Gazza that he named a piece of land after him. It was formerly known as The Golden Strip). The game was held in the capital of Isreal, Bethlem, the birthplace of Jesus would assure that the game was fair, and it was. Palestinia won a fair game, in an upset the went home victorious 2-1 with an amazing last minute goal by Stan Geldoff (It was a header). With this victory Israel had to leave the Gazza strip which now becomes part of Palestinia. Recent rumors on Al Jazeera Tv are saying that the Gazza strip may be renamed the Geldoff Strip in honor of Stan's late game heroics.

Surprise surprise its chicken

Well I have to say I am genuinly impressed with the chicken McGrill from McSatan's. It actually tastes and looks like white chicken meat. Its a sad and daunting place to eat solo but I did just that today after doing the recycling and finding two free McD cupons on Kate's cereal box (Im not sure if they were technicallly free because its a 7 dollar box of cereal). I will report in tomorow on my views on the Fruit 'N Yogurt parfait.

Anybody know whats going on in Israel? Its ruining all the great news coverage of exiting plane crashes and Im too disinterested in Middle eastern affairs to pay attention for more than 20 seconds.

How to enjoy a Wes Craven film

Here is how to enjoy the wonderful cinema of Wes Craven.

1. Take your free ticket for 2 to see Red Eye and go into the theatre.
2. Look at the other movies showing and choose a better movie, if its starting later go watch 40 minutes of The March of the Penguins to see if its worth renting later.
3. Wait until the previews start and then go watch Broken Flowers.
4. Laugh and enjoy the movie.
5. Do this for every Wes Craven film and you will really enjoy his filmaking.

Days in a Daze

Do you want to know how to have a confusing day? First wake up at 7 caughing so much you cant sleep. Make Neo Citran™+ and drink Buckleys. Pass out again and get woken up and hour later startled by your alarm. Drink lots of coffee to do battle with the sleep agents. Get on the metro and wear dark sunglasses and listen to electronipop really loud. leading to trance like stares then stare at a computer screen all day from a foot away reading and manipulating text. This I guarantee will leave you feeling like smoke: living, breating, semi-conscious smoke.

+NeoCitran, what gives? Neo= Greek, from neos, new. See newo- in Indo-European Roots. What is new about Citran. Its just hot lemon-aid with drugs. My mom took Neo Citran out of the cabinet when I was in high school because I liked drinking it so much. This is off their site:

WARNINGS
THIS PACKAGE CONTAINS ENOUGH DRUG TO SERIOUSLY HARM A CHILD. KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN. DO NOT EXCEED RECOMMENDED DOSAGE.

PRECAUTIONS: Do not drive or operate machinery while taking this product.
This product contains sugar and is not recommended for diabetics.
Individuals with high blood pressure, diabetes, glaucoma, heart, liver, thyroid, lung diseases including asthma, difficulty in urination due to the enlargement of the prostate gland, the elderly, pregnant women and nursing mothers, or persons on other medications, should take only as directed by a physician.

A physician or a pharmacist should be consulted prior to taking this medication in case of allergy to acetaminophen, chronic alcoholism, serious kidney or liver disease and/or intake of other medications containing acetaminophen and salicylates.

Avoid alcoholic beverages while taking this product.

What is pretty funny with this is if you iis if you type in Neo Citron with an "O" into google and the first couple thousand entries are all blog entries...

A little fun in the bush

This is a pretty fun site to waste some time.

http://www.fingertime.com/bushdressup.php

Flash games are getting awesome.

Hijinks and lowjinks

Well a sure sign that summer is on the way out is the condition of our bikes. Conor, as we know, has had a bunch of bike trouble all summer but just this week Mike's handle bar broke in two so now he has to kind of ride with one had on the middle of the bar. As for my bike is suffered a terrible hit last night when its derailer fell off. It just fell off onto the road and threatened to bounce into my spokes. I have a plan to turn it into a gearless bike but that kind of sucks. Money and a bike are two things I cant live without right now and they are both two things that I cant afford to give up so I have a dilema.

The good news though is that Bowmore's scotch is liquid gold. Its such tasty scotch and it goes down so smooth. Almost like drinking baby's bottoms.

Breaking my Tears

Why cant every film maker take a page from the book of Lars Von Trier. This guy makes films. When you watch one of his works and then watch a hollywood film its like going from War and Peace to See Spot Run. Actually no thats wrong, Spot is actually pretty decent for its genre but this guys has the power to shake you up like nothing else. We watched Breaking the Waves last night, its hard to watch at times, its gutwrenchingly depressing but it is so withought using cheap gimmicks i.e. music etc... Its just a really well told sad tale. The way he incorporates his views about the church are awesome (Calvinism is nuts) and just ride the fine line of exactly what they should be. A shade too much either way and its garbage.

Checked out an old Spanish comedy as well by Almodovar. Tie me up Tie me down is pretty funny at times but not one of his best. Antonio Banderas is in it and he actually is pretty good but he is still working up to his recent marvels back here in 1990.

A word of warning

I do not believe that I supplied ample warning in a previous entry (july 24th) when I spoke of match lighting off the front of the teeth. In an booze riddled attempt the other night to light two matches simultaneously off my teeth I managed to light one but in the process burnt my lip for the first time ever. It has blistered slightly and as such I think this is now sufficient warning of the dangers involved with teeth match lighting. I do not want to deter anyone from attempting awesome feats such as this one, I just feel obligated to supply the adequate information of the dangers involved.

The bane of email

I remember not too long ago the joys of emailing, easily keeping in touch with friends and family in all the far corners of the world. Hours spent procrastinating in university computer labs keeping tabs on your buddies doing exactly the same thing. Checking out genuinly funny or disgusting attachment. The thing I dont remember is when this joy started to become a pain in the ass, the bane of computing. Emailing has evolved or mutatet to such an extent that it only retains a skeleton of its former self. Its a tedious chore now, its become a medium of work and vehicle for extra curricular employment activities. , How many peoples emails do we avoid and not even read a day, how many good emails do we get and not to mention how many spam emails do we get a day. What is the ratio to enjoyable emails to 'necessary' emails. It used to be that emails were easier than phone calls, now I would rather call someone for fear of contacting them via email and then concurrently receiving 4-6 emails from them a day with brain numbing inquiries. I feel bad for my buddy JP who spends about an hour a night answering work emails on his blackberry even if were out having a bbq or having a brew. Down with email, may snail mail rise from the ashes of our crumbling email architecture.

RIP Jennings

As all Mount Allison grads know Peter Jennings had a lot to teach all of us, even in death he has one more lesson to teach. A moral lesson can be learnt from a death like his from lung cancer. Unless you want to die of lung cancer you had better not denounce your canadian citizenship in lieu of that of an american one. Jesus will strike all disconpatrioticness with an incurable infliction such as this one. Jesus hates nation changers.

Oceania Angus

The horse races are a good thing. Betting on horse races is an even better thing. A group of about 10 of us hit the horsies the other night. Cheap beer and expensive races most often make for a good time and this time it was no different. No real money was made but no big money was lost either. I won ten bucks on won race and it pretty much made me break even except for 3 bucks but I found a toonie on the way home so I ended up near zero. You pretty much cant bet on the horses with the best names to win though because they dont. Except for Oceania Angus who won my ten bucks in the last race. He came out of nowhere on the last stretch to win it though. Its too bad he did because the horse he past was 23-1 and one of our friends had 7 bucks on him to win.

Rockofolie

The francos have a music fest here each summer called the Franco Folies. They get all the best people from Star Academie, all of the people not good enough for the summer music tours in France and a weird group of African musicians and they pretend its a wicked festival. Funny thing is it works, the music sucks but the scene is more rocking than the jazz fest, the crowd is more into it and there is more drinking. I think in the french pooped on the ground and called it a french poop and then an english pope walked by they would still think their french poo is much more awesome.

A new clone war

So I have a dilema. If someone has a clone and you sleep with the clone are you cheating on the original? Like if Kate had a clone and I mistakenly slept with the clone would I be cheating on Kate? Also if a clone french kissed its original is it incest or just gross?

A near Catastrophe

We live in a neighborhood of cats. In out town house of eight tennants 4 out of 6 have them. On the streets at night you can hear them mate, fight and roam for food (dead pidgeons). Kate's cat is an old scrapper, he used to rule our old neighborhood with an alluminum fist. Last night in a bout of insomnia I heard a mating call and looked out the window, it was Alloy and some lady cat getting all rubbaliscious and meowlly. Thats fine, he has no reproductive material. About 10 minutes latter I hear more than just the sound of love, its a feline domestic disturbance call. I run down stairs in time to see a good cat fight. A cat fight pretty much amounts to a cat with his eyes closed and head back giving claws open downward left jabs over and over while the other cat does the same thing. I have to chase Alloy to get him back because he took off after the wench cat through all the portuguese gardens (whose owners are just waiting for the chance to poison all the neighborhood cats). When I cought him he had a mouth full of fur, a wet neck and some blood above his eye from a previous wound re-opened. Not bad for a cat that only has 5 teeth left. Im not sure why I wrote anything about Alloy, I slept about 2 hours if that last night, might have something to do with it.

The game of the day is to find a pun I secretly put somewhere in this article. You have 23 hours. Go.

The proper alignment

The stars were properly alligned in our direction this past friday went a crew of 5 us went to a sketch comedy show. There were 6 door prizes handed out before the festivities and even though there were nearly 50 other spectators in attendance our crew walked out with half the prizes. Erock won 50 bones from Second Cup, Kate won a designer hoodie and Conor left happily with two free movie tickets. The rest of the crowd were not cheering at all when the Erock went up to pick up our third prize.

The stars off just a shade on Saturday night when after work, the last day for one co-worker, when we celebrated her departure. The manager brought in Sangrias and then the boss took us next door to a local pub where he proceeded to buy pitchers of beer. I work with mostly women and one other fellow. The boss was driving so my quicker drinking speeds worked me into a good buzz. We went directly after work so I neglected to eat anything other than a granola bar and a hamburger all day so at around 10 oclock it was sufficient to say that I was drunk. I remember from past experiences that its always bad to get drunk with a boss. In this case not because of what happened but just because of how drunk I got. I secretly snuck out during a slow moment and biked home but the damage was done.