warm blooded egg laying vertabrates gone cold

Ahh, the poor man's weekend started off well. Coffee and magazines in the housecoat. Soon enough though a mission was crafted to find dead birds for Kate. Luckily the bikes thawed out with the rain and the streets were ready for a shred. Hit all the back alleys and train tracks and bird parks but nothing was dead. A two hour shred with no dead birds. It wasnt a total loss though because I worked out two new moves that I will be shredding out hard for the video. I cant tell you what they are but I can tell you the names = J-hop and the Sidecar. Also went to visit my favorite mexicans making hot bagels over the fire.

Albums of the week-
Wilco, Kicking Television: Live in Chicago. This double CD is hot, captures their live show pretty well and their live show is top 5 all time in my books and my book is self published so publish that naysayers. The only bad thing is that you only hear but cant see all the ladies flash the band during Shot in the Arm. A definite live bonus missed out on here.

Neil Diamond, 12 songs. Rick Rubin comes back out of the woodwork to try to do for Neil what he did for Johnny. Although I doubt this album will revive the career of Neil the way it did for Johnny its definetly a good one, nearly an instant best of album for mr crooner. I think he stuffs though.

The pain that wont go away

I think I had two baby heart attack this weekend. It all started last weekend with a little bit of whiskey that led to whiskey heart the next morning. Nothing new there, whiskey heart is not uncomon, at leat a monthly occurence. Then the whiskey heart transmuttated with the help of the hormones in the milk I bought and boom, here I am with heart pains. Throbbing stab of hormonicly regenerated heart pangs all due to whiskey. Then I had two baby heart attacks. I cured myself of the baby heart attacks with Peach Punch juice but its then when I had my guard down and thought I had beaten my heart disease that it struck back with avengance. I had some beer and pizza to watch the football game last night and ZAP 2:30 last night Im woken up with flaming heart cavity disorder. Boy did that suck. I thought hormonicly regenerated heart pangs were bad but at least I could fall asleep with them but FHCD kept me up while the cat attacked my face. Im going to read up about this on the Internet today and probably perform a procedure tonight to cure it.

How hip am I ?

I am pretty hip. Im so hip I go to parties and I am on the guestlist. Im so hip that I can wear rubber boots to these ritzy Nightlife parties and its okay becaue obviously Im hip. If I werent hip it would be pretty uncool to wear rubber boots to a ritzy party. When there is free beer I am so hip that I sink 4 the first half hour because Im so hip I know it might run out. When it doesnt run out I am hip enough to keep drinking fast enough to be loaded by 7pm. Im so hip I can spot a shitty band when I see one. I know that a band is not hip if they have to stop their set because their cd walkman stops working. That is not hip. Im hip enough to know a band isnt just hip because they are energetic. Methamphetamines does not a hip band make. Im hip enough to know that BK has double cheese Thursdays. Im so hip that even when Im loaded I can still record some wicked tracks for The Harry Princes new album. Im so hip that my vocal stylings will be all over the place. Im so hip that I can get right bombed and pass out on the couch and its hip because I did it. Its not hip when you pass out drunk on the couch but you are not hip.

Romancing the cold rain

Dont let anybody romanticize biking in the snow. Its cold, wet, hurts the eyes and just plain not fun. Three days of straight snow are going to end the biking season soon. There is intern at work whos daddy has money so she has a winter bike each year that she throws out in the spring because the salt ruins it. She tried to convince me to do the same. I guess we dont have the same dad. Anywho a cold shred last night proved worth it, Kate was shooting a band this week for their cd and they were playing some hot jazzy jazz. Its nice to hear some good live jazz that isnt pretencious but just good.

Lars Von Trier made me want to die again. I finally got around to renting Dancer in the Dark and now I feel like shit. He makes the saddest, most moving movies I have ever seen. I dont care if people say he sensationalizes or is a 'shock' director, he makes me feel. Not many movies can make me feel.

If anybody wants to donate to the Ghost Ryders Winter Shred Fest Fund contact me for details. This year the gang is trying to raise enough for week long shred in the OC in February. Skirtz knows the locale and we know how to shred, all we need now is the cash.

Turbo Fiero Fever

In order to fully appreciate life to the fullest full you must visit both these sites. Check out the first one first and the second one second and you will know why Jesus invented us. Jesus is awesome but he did not invent Jesus. Corey Hart invented Jesus:

http://coreyhartdrivesafiero.blogspot.com

http://www.wayofthemaster.com

Now tv can suck even better

If you have always been dissapointed with how mediocrely tv has even been able to suck you will be happy now. I know a lot of people were let down when HDtv didnt suck that much more than normal tv but last night with 3D the full potential of tv sucking came out. Medium had 3D segments that were part of the psychics dreams. There were only about 5 of them each about one minute long. Luckily I still had my Sports Illustrated 3D glasses from the 2000 swim suit edition. During the whole show only twice was it cool. I will admit that the knife flying at my head made me go "wo" but some dream sequences didnt even work at all. So all in all Im happy with the new sucky direction tv is leaning towards. All we need now is for every program to do this so we can all wear stupid cardboard glasses to watch. Kate said that it was probably the coolest I have ever looked while watching tv.

Dont forget to send flowers to the Red Wings hospital today for Jiri Slegger. He almost died last night when his heart stopped on the ice but its okay, they warned him in 2003 that this could happen so its okay if he dies next time because he knows. They stopped the game and postponed it though. Did they do that when Clint Malarchuck had his neck sliced open in Buffalo?

Im so tired of hearing Im so tired

If everyone were to complain about the obvious incessantly than there would be no use in talking so why is it that everyone always complains about being tired. Nothing new there. Who in their twenties isnt always tired? I thought it just went with the territory. Its alright to vocalize this complaint as long as its not done trying to evoke sympathy. There is somebody I work with who is always complaining of being tired, more tired than I could believe, oh dear she is always tired. Guess what honey I have been tired since 1998. Suck it up and just be tired like everybody else. I cant remember what its like to have non caffeinated energy.

A Life Lesson

"How does this work?" asked the confused client.

The correct answer to this is of course is that you ball it up, place the stuffed ball in the client's mouth, plug her nose and wait one minute. Then you bury the body because nobody that stupid should be alive or for that matter rich and alive. The piece of the puzzle that had the client perplexed was a silk scarf with a Parisian city map on it. That is all it was, maps of cities on scarves and she was confused as to how it works. She probably still has her buttler wipe her ass after she broke her arm trying to do it 3 years ago.

Fishing

If everybody could spend one hour a day fishing the world would be better.

This week in Reviews

Here is the week viewed through reviews:

Book of the week: Pyongyang- A journey in North Korea, an excellent graphic novel buy a montrealer Guy Delisle. He spent 2 months in NK and drew some funny stuff while he was there with a Quebecers sarcasm and the French's point of view.

Film of the week: anything but Bee Season. What a stinker, worst movie of the year. I was looking for Eisner in the credits this thing was such fluff. Gear should be shot if he does anything like this again and Binoche will have to renounce her citizenship if the French ever see this piece of garbage.

Disc of the week: Metric- Live it out. Great album. Finally a hard rocking woman with a band that doesnt suck. They were here a month ago but I didnt know of them then. That is the screw up of the week.

Discovery of the week: scientists found out how to make mosquito gonads glow in the dark, no more need of eletric lights in the African nights anymore

Evil Empire of the week: Gabon (watch out for them, you heard it here first, there is something fishyo going on in Tchibanga)

Rrestoraunt of the week: Pizza du Parc. Two solid pieces of pizza; pepperoni, all dressed, and a cream soda for $4 even.

Terrorist of the week: Mohamad Al Fazee, 4 confirmed kills and that much less world freedom

Stock Pick of the week: CTV (3D episode of the Medium next monday is going to make that puppy soar)

Quote of the week: Jesus loves you but only because he doesn't know you

Avian Flu Feline

To help combat the influx of Avian Flu Kate and I got a new kitty bird killer. She has named her Pigeons. Her original name was Antartica. I wanted to call her Terbo. So her full name is Terbo Antartic Pigeons the third. She is a powerhouse of energy that came from the SPCA 3 months old and is pretty cute when she isnt killing plants and batting the computer screen.





This is her pulling the drain gunk up and spreading it around the bathroom. Gross vs Cute.

Hetrohomosapiano

Have you ever heard a homosexual describe a metrosexual? Its pretty funny because neither has a clue what the other is all about anyway. "A metrosexual is a man who takes care of himself" hunhh? Anyway there is a gay guy who is new at the store and he is from buttfuck nowhere Quebec (no pun not intended). He is alright but he is the first gay guy to ever make me think he thinks Im cute. He just moved to the big city and is pumped to experience everything he can. He has been hittin on all the men who come into the store and he has even gotten two sets of digits. Thats all good and fine but yesterday and big burly man with two earings in each ear came in with his "friend" and he was wearing a coat that had Bear written on the back of it. No problem with that. But the new guy didnt want to serve them. What gives? This guy is annoying and the problem is if you tell a gay guy he is annoying he will 1. cry 2. call you a homophobe

I dont get it,

B oo K

Its a rare pleasure to be able or even willing to ignore everything for a day and just read a book through its entirety. Its something I try to do at least three times a year. Certain authors are, I think, best read this way as well so with each new realease its a day of ignorant bliss. Yesterday I sat down with Disgrace by J.M. Coetzee. The 1999 Booker prize book was a pretty good book. Good story, not always terribly well written but the plot was interesting enough to counteract that, even if it was at times fairly predictable. Its an interesting book in that the cover design alone had made me want to read it for the last 3 years even though no credit is given to the designer.

Farewell to our good buddy Goldbach who is heading back to Melmac today. I guess the lure of Rhonda overpowers his appetite for cats. Be safe good buddy.

Golden Props

Mad props go out to Goldbach this week. He has quit smoking for several months now. We all secretly doubted he could because he looks so cool smoking and for him giving up smoking is like giving up women because he looks so cool when he smokes that he gets heaps of women just through smoking and now he only smokes small russian cigars and women think its kind of pretensious and even though he has a girlfriend they arent still likely to be all over a guy smokng small russian cigars because he doesnt look half as cool smoking those compared to sexy cigarettes.

So congrats to Goldbach for giving up loose woman with vague senses of whats attractive.

Math is cool

I think a lot of people out there have forgotten that math is cool. Its not always fun, easy or perhaps satisfying, but its always cool. Its pretty rad what it can figure out and how it makes things make sense. If you break it down and look at a problem for awhile and then solve it its like watching a good movie and unwravelling the plot. You have your begining and then you have your solution and everything in between is wicked. I just finished an article about the accesibility of math and it used an example that was sweet; by proving that triangles have multiple centers. They are incentric or orthocentric which seems impossible but a little brain power later and somebody explaining it anb boom, that was awesome. Go math go.

Footwear History 101

I was putting away my summer shoes for the winter and thinking of the history of my shoes. Some of them have some crazy pasts, born in bizarre situations and acheived greatness. My favorite history is my high top Chuck Taylor's that I found new in a cupboard in a house in Nantucket and they used to play soccer against the Mexicans. They were dirty mexicans too who tried to hurt me but my Converse were faster then them. My favorite sandals, the Welligtons, coincidentaly, were found in a closet in Rarotunga after my $100 pair busted going snorkeling after 2 weeks. With a little duck tape these fellas kept me going for 5 more months and are still around for short vacation bouts.

I deem today official history of shoes appreciation day. Look at your shoes and think about them.

Oh, the Irish man

I dont know who said it or even it what context it was said but I found this written on a matchbook in my handwritting after drinks the other night. There were two kids of Irish parent there so it may have influenced this hilarious and insightful saying:

"The Irish are some kind of Nazi super race"

A new ride

I got my new bike back last week after 3 weeks of it being at the bike garage. Morons. I tried to put a picture up last week but the Internet was all screwed up. Morons. I just tried to look for train or car rental places and wasted time on their sites going in circles. Morons. Man its sick how many morons are out there. I hope the avian flu goes after those that are genetically altered morons. It would make me so much happier if all the morons would be gone but I would still keep my bike instead of trading up because its a pretty sweet ride, not as fast or as agile as the ralleigh but much more of a cruiser. It also has lights and a skull sticker.

The problem with peanuts

What started off as a slightly humerous and vaguely annoying occurence has escalated to true Seinfeldiying epic scale. There is a snack food dispenser at the office. It supplies all the usual offerings, chips, cookies, candy bars and peanuts. Two flavors of peanuts; bbq for those with disabled taste buds, and for the true nut afficionado we have the honey roasted. Sounds ideal doesnt it, an option depending on peanut mood. However, rather than put them both in separate slots some snack food ignoramus has put them both in the same dispenser row. Why, I dont know, there are other empty slots. In fact a whole row waits empty on the bottom rung. Willing and able to accomadate hundreds of bags of honey roasted peanuts but I digress. The problem is that the nuts are staggered. Two of each in a row all the way to the back. Each week however, no matter when I go there is only the bbq nuts up front. I know they move though because I track them and each week it has moved yet my nuts stay hidden behing the shit nuts. Like I said it was slighly humerous a few months ago but now 5 months later having only ever gotten my nuts of choice twice I am more than annoyed. I am puzzled at why the snack food Jesus would pull such a trick on me. What have I ever done to the snack food gods to anger them... just had a thought, damn, I know what it was. Its my mom and her damn job. Giving me all those free chocolate bars for years, me never paying for candies, the snack food gods must see that as me not paying my proper respects to them and honoring them with snack food sacrifices. Damn, I just want to be able to buy my honey roasted peanuts every week.

The Ghost! Team

Even more than usual the little kids were coming up to our door last night. Even more than usual I gave them candies. Kate baught a bag of 90 candies and after I ate 10 we ran out at 8. Not too bad costumes either but man, kids have not respect anymore. No "trick or treat" , lots of them just come up shove a bag in your face and leave without saying thanks. Man, if their parents werent watching I would have smacked some of them.

Egon and Stantz went looking for some paranatural activity with our proton packs last night too. We biked around looking for Slimer but couldnt find him so we hit The Go! Team show. The Grates from Australia opened up to a big crow, one in five of whom were becostumed but nothing as elaborate as the Ghostbusters although one girl had a pretty good Joanne MacLeod aerobics outfit. The Go! Team were good but I was not blown away, the hip hop vocal stylings just werent hitting me. Their encore was great though, if they could have done it like that all night it would have been a stellar show.

Bustin makes me feel good.