Lecture and the Piss In

Had a nice few days off this week. Wednesday the company that kate shoots weddings for had a semi staff party out in the burbs at a stellar house. The backyard was a haven of fun. There was a sunken in trampoline at ground level. A pool with a waterfall and swim in hot tub. Huge deck with those rock shaped speakers and then a sweet fire pit. Good bbq, free alcohol and lots of swimming. They had a meeting for a couple of hours while me, the wife and one of the gus boyfriends were ushered away so I spent the whole time in the pool diving for coins against one of the kids, I beat him almost everytime. Got the worst chlorine headache ever though. That shit is lethal, is does things to me that are unspeakable.

Yesterday was a lazy day of street walking. Did some window shopping and then spent lots of money on books, came home and read through all the new books and three newspapers, a good reading day. My eyes were tired at night so I had to drink beer.

Sep 11 Backlash

I love how more and more of the media is backlashing against the narcisim of the US. There was an interesting fellow on the CBC talking about Sep 11 and how actually if put in perspective it was not much of a catastrophe. 95% of the people in the towers escaped. Meanwhile a few years previous to that in Rwanda everyday for months the equivalent of two full towers worth of people were butchered everyday while the US sat back instead of doing something. Cry me a river America, its shitty what happened and what still is happening but there are way worse things happening everyday in countries that get 0 media coverage

Christians are nuts

On a dark rainy tuesday night Kate and I rented The Machinist with Christian Bale. First off, its a pretty darn good movie and beautifully shot. Secondly, Bale is a crazy son of a bitch. There is method acting and then there is starving yourself for months to look like a hollocaust victim. Supposedly he ate an apple and a can of tuna a day. He looks sickly in the film and it takes nearly half the film to stop simply foccusing on that. I think he is an awesome actor but that is mostly because of how crazy I think he is. He weight shift from this film to Batman Begins has to be some kind of guiness book of sick records feat of something. That is all.

In-Store prize draw

We missed the gay pride parade tonight. I didnt get my yearly quota as assless chaps and boys with boobs. Im not sure what I am going to do about this yet.

Some people in Yukon claim to have seen a sasquatch and collected hair of his that they found after he ran past a house. It is being ananlyzed as we speak and we should have the results soon.

Karla Homolka has been "spotted" in so many locations around town that she has surpased Celine Dion in speculated Quebec sightings.

We drew for the free luggage set at work the other day and nobody I knew won. I spent my free time filling in friend's names so they had a good chance. It was some nobody who won but there were heaps of ballots, lots more double ballots than I would have thunk and one from Cindy Crawford. Pretty cool, I didnt know she lived in Texas though.

Mo Mojito

Got into some mojito last night over at JPs patio. I was in the mood to celebrate internation cuban day so I picked up some Bacardi, fresh mint from the boys place and boom. Drink times, great bbq and a couple laughs. We climbed up on to JPs roof after a few drinks via his neighbors ladder and caught part of the fireworks - Canada's turn. Ended up the night by learning how to light matches off our front teeth. We all surprisingly got good at it before the night was through. I look forward to showing off my new parlour trick at every possible opportunity the rest of my life.

Bike story #43

I just dont get humans. How is it that a society with an attention span of 4.7 seconds can stand in line for an amusement park ride for over an hour when the ride last less than two minutes. A group of us hit La Ronde (of the Six Flags) yesterday for some awesome ride action. We were there for 7 hours and only got on 5 rides though. Hit the huge wooden roller coaster first, the insane twister thing next (humans should not be able to experience that type of experience), the vampire (Kate had her eyes closed the entire ride, at one point we get sprayed by mist and she did not even realize it), the flume where JP and I took our shirts off and got caught on those extornionist photos (a group of 4 ladies when topless on the rollercoaster before us and their pic was up) and finally the wooden moster again at night. Its nuts to get a kick out of being scared but I think a large part of it is having all your senses totally dulled in an hour line and then having your adrenelin come out of nowhere for a quick burst. The rapid change is the key. It was a fun day there and it was only topped off by the international fireworks competition. Portugal gave us a go and put on an idescribably show. That competition has to be seen to be believed, they are such an odd experience that is uncomparable to anything else.
On the bike ride home Conor rammed into a cyclist cause he thought it was me. It was hilarious and terribly awkward at the same time. The Kate totally cut some girl off and almost got sideswiped. We were too late for the InFlightSafety show though. Jason Bajada put on a great set though, totally dug his sound. It was the first time in rock history that all the bands went on on time. Sucks. Exhausting day though. Anyday where everything you do makes you nautious is a pretty good day.

Nylon encased testicals

Well our little Alexander has done it again. Quebecs second biggest star struck gold yesterday in the 3M springboard in front of his hometown crowd at the World Aquatic championships. Good for Alexander Despatie for not chocking but get this. Mr McDonalds is so engrossed in the young hearthrob's sponsorship deal that his loving and supporting parents who would obviously be nabbing ample tv time during the dive coverage were decked out in McD garb. His dad was in a bright red (almost nuclear red) t-shirt with a full frontal golden arches. I find it hilarious that the eaterie would provide funding for this guys folks to wear their clothes. Im not saying I wouldnt do it. I would sell out for anything right about now, I would even sell Hitler brand baby food, but its funny to see such blatant 'subtle' advertising.

Now if all the other canadian swimatheletes can choke our championships will be a success.

HiceKream

I had a nice day off today so in order to take full advantage of it I slept way in to make sure I was rested. Than I made sure I had a great breakfast to start things off even more right. That breakfast was at a great ice cream place. I went with Conor and his new girlfriend, she is pretty cool except for being Scotish. She is a maternal twin, not the hot kind though, the kind that has twin brother. Thats unfortunate. Nice day though just hanging around in the park trying to hit squirels with things.

H.C.R.

I went to my first homo church rock show the other night. I dont know what that means but that is how the paper described The Hidden Cameras. It was a pretty good show all things considering. They are a Torontonian septept including a cello and a violin, a butch drumer, an Arcade Fire member and lots of homos. The saving grace of the night was the AC. Finally got to see the fireworks competition as well. Its pretty sweet, best I have ever seen, had some refreshing zesty beers in the park to start that whole evening out right.

After hating old women all day yesterday and unsucessfully atempting to come up for a way to have them not smell bad withought them having to take 'dangerous' showers or be lathered in perfume, we had an awesome bbq over at JPs palace and feasted on all sorts of flesh. UMMM summer...

Its so humid right now that typing is causing me to sweat. Im out of here. Where's the pool??

A sure sign...

A sure sign that you like lard flavored popsicles too much is if you are so obese that you come into our store and have to sit down the whole time while people bring you purses to look at. I am sure she just wanted the one that could hold the most candy. Im glad I didnt serve her (not just out of fear of being eaten), I know its the service industry but we are not there to wait hand and foot on lazies. There is the internet for that kind of service.

I had a Eurotrash lady today who has me follow her around as she explained to me for 30 minutes how every product we looked at was inferior to european products. I guess they have funtion and style mastered. Too bad they haven't mastered not being anoying jackass hell mongers yet.

A queebster summer

No queebster summer would be complete without an outing to our capital of gay ol Quebec city. On a day trip for a shoot I accompanied Kate to see how my nerves stacked up to her highway driving. Some times I wish I owned lots of crack. Having woken up obscenely early for a day off we departed with my sole mission of the day to find a Burger King before 11. It was early so I was confident, maybe too confident as it was a quarter to 11 before we drove up to a small town BK for their Deluxe Breakfast Omelette Burger (see March 29th). I was intent of finishing off the sucker, that is until I tasted the concotion. The first bite filled my mouth with a chlorine like taste that could only be vanquished by the putrid taste of fast food coffee. 6 bucks for a taste that I get for free at the pool! I was not happy, it was not even filling, nor huge, nor scary, nor did it rot my gut as I would have liked. This evening I made an even more threatening meal with bacon and baked beans topping three fried eggs and a bed of tomatoes all covered in cheddar. That is a heartattack inducer. Stay away from the temptation of the BK burger as all it clogs is my marketing confusions.



The rest of the day in Quebec was much less eventful. We avoided the 25 bucks to see a waterfall. We paid 10 bucks to park. We watched for free as my sandal floated down the rain swamped roads, we went in to loads of galleries to worry the occupants about our soaking their pieces, we watched the archeological crew clear out of the puddling remains our oldest house of commons or some old building, we took tourist photos in the old town for free (as did two or three hundred dozen japanes men who constantly looked frightened of something?), we then checked into a hotel and I watched Le Manchurian Candidat, and Le Hidalgo for free while I trying to drink as much free French Vanilla coffee (4 before the onset of gut rot, in retrospect this could have been the breakfast coming back to haunt me) waited for Kate, she got back after her shoot then we hit the pool for exactly three minutes before it closed, drank two free beers that we got with our reservation (each of which consisted of a small plastic cup half full of foam, in total the four beer had about 315ml of beer) went back to the room and tried to steal as much stuff as possible. Woke up insanely early again, so early that I still think today is yesterday and than next monday will be october the 4th somehow. Ate all the god damn continental all inclusive breakfast my gut rotted stomach could endure and then tried not to think about dying for the few hours before home. Oh, la joie de vivre dans une tel province. Tant que je les adores, je les haies. I think I will die ten years earlier than necessary if I live my life out here.

more bikes and stuff and shit you know

The most insane dork fans in the world are Tour de France fans hands down. They have 3 intense seconds to cheer on their hero and they give it all their gusto all no matter how stupid, imbicilic and dooferistic they look. Men dressed up like spritely fools sprinting after cyclist in mountain passes waving flags. I counted at least 800 hundred fans lining the route who were clad in their own spandex. When did people start needing to wear spandex to be a spectator. It figures though because cyclists are nerds. I love the tour though, its an insane overindulgence of sports that just pushes people more than they should be pushed. I guess its the third largest sports media gathering in the world after the olympics and the world cup (this is of course taking into consideration that porno wrestling is classed as adult entertainment rather than as a sport).

Speaking of dorks and cycling, Conor got car doored yesterday. Two sets of stitches, one by his eye and the other by his ear. It makes him look tough, Im kind of jealous. He has more street cred now than anyone in our bike gang. Its not an initiation or anything but its still a kind of rite of passage into biker man hood. We might all start wearing our helmets again. Nah,, helmets are for girls and norwegians. Conor says it wont let him daunt him, "if car door openers think they can keep us from riding free they are wrong."



** since this post Conor has since been car doored again and scraped up his hand by "some stupid c___"

Ahhh, the bliss of ignorance

Consider this. In Iraq on the weekend a suicide car bomber completed his mission to Allah and killed 49 people. It received about two paragraphs on page 3 of the newspaper. On the weekend in London 3 bombs go off and kill 49. Full front page, half page two and here and there throughout.

Becareful as well, I think Allan Kaida has gotten into our water streams and put a low level toxin in that only affects small pet fish for now in an attempt to verify its potency in a large distribution grid. They were successful in killing my gold fish with the "white disease". They may be coming for us next so dont drink the water, watch Cabin Fever for appropriate measures in H20 avoidance. Becareful and remember that Jesus is with us.

One more day

Its funny how life often ends up leaving its inhabitents in a lose-lose situation, or a more appropriate nomeclature, a shit-shit situation. In an attempt to milk more pleasure out of life and to enjoy its supple fruit more I decided to set asides my wories for the summer. I wasnt to worry about money or lack off, not about my carreer or somewhat lack of and finally not about anything that can be dealt with when september eventuals bears back upon us. Seemed like a good idea, I am having a great summer, one of the best in awhile but the drinking, the constant emptying of my pockets and getting nothing done leaves me feeling quite guilty. Im not catholic, I should not feel bad about feeling good.

More reasons to keep supporting our troops

Well it looks like our freedom is once again under attack. What's wrong with those Jesus hating freedom eaters? Its pretty nuts that we can live in a world where terrorist bombs rock one of the worlds leading city in the morning and by night time a fair amount of people still have not heard about it. Talk about a jaded society. Not to be sick or anything but isnt a 4 bomb attack that results in only about 50 deaths so far a lame attack. Im glad that those knobjobs are incompetent and Im no bomb expert but Id imagine that putting one well made bomb on a crowded subway would pretty much automatically kill 50 people. A bunch of clowns. I cant wait for this to give Bush some new found agenda. "This is the people of norherng Congo's fault. We have to go in there, secure freedom in the world and than liberate the enslaved diamonds." Its a good thing that the US has a very good idea of where Bin Laden is. Next question. The US is the biggest joke in the history of the world.

Shitty day in London, Im not making light of it. Maybe some jackass leaders will rethink their agendas though. Nah, who am I kidding.

More Spazz Fest

Surprisingly the Spazz Fest doesnt suck this year. Ive been there 4 nights so far and even though there are lots of people people doing very little its still been fun. I think the key to our new found enjoyment of the fest was just to include more smuggled booze. The $6 beers there are bunk but the free whiskey inserted into a coke forming a wobbly pop is transmagnifiscento. I spent most of my time there trying to take pictures of ginos and squids but it was too dark and sketchy people tend to be too gittery for night time shootin. I wil get them though.

The old man is snoring

I had a wicked shred today on the way home from the office. It was pissing rain, making rivers in the street and I shredded through it. It was the type of rain that makes people think Jesus is angry, 200 hundred years ago it would have been the type of rain to make people fuck a stranger because were all going to die in 5 minutes anyway. It was surprising to see home many morons were walking around without umbrellas or rain coats. There were even ladies in white t-shirts. I was at least ready for it. I cant write much, I am meeting Karla for supper, we have lots of catching up to do.

the long weekend

I am thinking about making this a long weekend summer mentally. Take the whole summer at an approach of it being a long weekend. Apart from the piles of shit I have had to walk around lately this was a pretty decent weekend. Spend thursday at the pool and drinkin, friday Conor and I took a long shred looking for stuff left by the curbs. It was July 1st so everybody was moving and for the first time I didnt have to help anybody. We didnt strike gold though, however I did redeem myself in the ongoig fooseball war. Conor is being taught a lesson. Saturday I had to work and I did nothing all day. Four of us worked and total sales were 9000 and I had less than 800, that is what I call putting in my part. That night Alana and Scott were in town so we shook it down at the MMW show. The young philidelphians opened up and were at times awesome and at times the equivalent of auditory shit. MMW were something else as usual. They put on a great show, they had the other band come out for a few songs witih them as well and that was special. Hit a few more free shows last night and closed the night off with the coolest jazz bar I have ever seen. Yesterday was another day of avoiding customers at work. Hit a buddies at night for some supper made by a Tunisian buddy and hit home for a late night Hero viewing. I am spent. I have been trying to keep myself so busy lately to keep my mind off of KH. She was supposed to be here Friday and its monday and I am stil waiting for her.