A holiday to get in to

I can get in to halloween.. I mean its a holiday based around getting drunk in a costume. Its almost like christmas but just drunk for one night instead of 7. This year was pretty much a hoot. I have built up a reputation for costumes and this year I had to blow away all expectations and just do it. No fear. Blood sweat and Tears. Tears for fears. Anyway 14 rolls of duct tape, two boxes of tinfoil and about 10lbs of cardboard boxes later I become the awesome Decepticon 2nd in comande Starscream. The costume got mad respect. It was like being a celebrity for a night. People litteraly pulled their cars over on busy streets, got out, and took my picture. No less than 15 people on the street got photos taken with me, I did the old Mickey Mouse arm around them thing. It wasnt the most practical costume. I had to stay against the wall at a packed party but I still got some dance mooves out. I busted them real good on the street corners though. So the party was fun because I couldnt lift my arm to my mouth so people had to feed me beer and when strangers found this out they liked to come up to me and poor beer down my throat then two girls tried to start kissing me and Kate got pretty pushy with one lady which was pretty hillarious because the whole time I could litteraly not move. Anywho the boys were representing the ghost busters with wiked costumes of their own, including Pierre Pressure AKA Winston with a painted black face (oddly enough nobody beat him up), he also had a back pack with a stereo than continuously played the ghost busters theme loudly all night. Those boys won best group costume and I won a bottle of champagne for best costume. Pretty successful night except my legs are chaffed, my shoulders bruised and I had to bail out at 2 because I couldnt move anymore and especially not at another bar. Good times.

Check it

A dying breed of neighbor

I have found out this week that having a dying neihbor is having a pretty rotten neighbor. The Chinese couple downstairs (the same ones who broomesticked my bird feeder/hotel into oblivion) use to fight alot and there would be lots of screaming, back and forth, ya ya ya. Then it stopped for a few months and just this week it has gotten crazy again. The old man is dying and his wife is not taking it well. At least an hour a day she just wails as loud as she can stomping her feet and then spurts of running while stomping all at full lungs and full speed. They live below us and when she has one of these bouts the floor shakes so much it becomes crazy annoying but how do you tell your half dyinging chinese couple to please quite down while I play on the Internet please. Even though he would never smile at me, say hello or even acknowledge my presence on the stairs its too bad he's dying.

Start eating

I feel like crap. I fell so bloated I am going to die. I ate 14 chicken fingers today. I have been eating as many as I can lately because soon there wont be any. People are kiling all the chickens in the world effectively robbing me of my chicken fingers. Also in eating as many chicken fingers as I can I am providing my body with all the antibodies it needs to fight off the avian flue virus. Couple this with the 20 or so chewable vitamin Cs I am eating a day that virus will bounce off me. I could probably have unprotected bum sex with Robert Downed Jr and not get HIV I will be so pumped up with virus killers. I am strong.

Numbers, you want numbers

Every month the Harpers Index comes out and it scares me. There will always be one or two of them that I just cant wrap my head around. I dont know how everybody just lets these go but oh well, theres a good tv show on, got to go....


# of jounalist killed in Vietnam in the 20 years of war there- 63
# of jounalist killed in Iraq since 2003 - 71

# of pro-terrorism web sites in the world in 1998- 12
# of pro-terrorism web sites in teh world today - 4700

# of blogs created every minute- 60

# of infants impeded from boarding flights in the US last year because their names were on the no-fly list- 14

A few definitions

Broken Social Scene= wicked ass music collective comprising 7-13 memebers. Known to rock 6 guitars at a time including insane triple solos. Occaisionally visited on stage but such talents as Feist and Kaos.

Doubling= an act in which two individuals ride one bike. It is known to be very tiring if done over a long distance or while one occupant is drunk and dozing on the drivers back

Ghost Ryder= a wicked god damn mother screwing individual. Known to reside at www.ghostryders.cjb.net

Knobjob= an individual who does nothign but be annoying and pestering. Death is often wished upon them.

Math Party= contrary to popular beliefs the math party is not a party at which math questions are wrestled with but rather a party with people who do not frequent the liquor and as such like to drink and be silly. English student partywhores are also known to frequent such establishments.

Nemo= the name of an awesome movie character fish

Raquelet= a swiss dinner similar to the fondue wherein a hot plate is used to cook up meats while underneath there are food drawers where mini pizza concoctions and breaded sweets are made. It is often accompanied by bottles of wine.

The Week in Review

Monday- work then taking care of JPs dog (actually a cat) at his place
Tuesday- work then a great concert at an awesome venue. Saw a shitty shitty band with a teen wolf in it open up for Wolf Parade. If they keep this up they are going to be awesome. Its crazy how young they are when you think of what they are doing. Had a few drinks after the show and then ate all of JPs food.
Wednesday- hungover day off spent watching digital cable and hanging out with Casper. Literally 150 channels and nothing on.
Thursday- day off, went for a greasy breakfast then climbed up the mountain, straight up, found some good new trails. Went to the book store and picked up Gravity's Rainbow and walked home. The party for our works anniversary was that night, it was lame and made me not really want to work there anymore. Would say more but some people get fired over blogs.
Friday - got another web site online. (www.nsj.ca ) Its for a painter friend, comments are appreciated. Went to a free Broken Social Scene concert.
Saturday- sold a shit load of luggage.

Its good that everything sucks again, it was beggining to not suck anymore. My bike has been in the shop for over two weeks too so that makes me life spending money on the horrible soul sucking metro.

Japanic = half janapese, half hispanic

How do you tell someone nicely to shut the hell up and to never talk to talk to you again ever. I work with a moron loudmouth loser who lived in Japan for 4 years. She has been back in Canada for six months but all she does is talk about Japan loudly. I have never shown interest in Japan or anything she is saying, in fact I often put my head down and look/fix my shoes when she talks to me. I can be talking to a buddy about hockey and she will come over and interupt and tell us the Japanese word for stick and then she will continue talking about something not at all related to hockey. I just want to know the Japanese word for "God damn it, shut up and go roll up into a mossy log and suffocated your self on your own useless rambling". The biggest problem is that she speaks so loudly that nowhere in the store can you get away from her voice. The only place to go is to hide in the basement. Who the hell cares about Japan. Its the only country she has ever been to as well so now she is the big world traveler and all cultured. Why are there so many people in the world oblivious to reality.

Triumph Professional Care 9000

The time has come for the people to take arms against advertising and consumerism. Oral b has put out a toothbrush with a microprocessor. If the The Oral-B Triumph Professional Care 9000 can be sold to anybody than that person needs to be shot immediately for an overdose of stupidity (and for spending $179.99 (Cdn. list) on what can be bought for $3). If we allow companies to produce and market such unessential and obviously unefective products than whoever is stupid enough to purchase them should be killed without delay for wasting the worlds resources. I do not mean wasting the material and energy put into the Triumph but more of the food, air and water said moron is consuming on a daily basis when these would be better off given to an amobea with more brainpower than them. Just listen to the products description for more proof of the absurdity of today's consumerism.

An electric toothbrush that's stuffed with microprocessors that tell you how long to brush or polish your teeth with its redesigned brushheads.

Bring your guns to the pharmacy and shoot anybody who buys this piece of shit.

Some people thought we were dead...

Some people thought we were dead, some of our gang even thought so. Well screw all of you doubters and knobjob naysayers, the Ghost Ryders will never die. We may not have our video out yet but there is always next summer and until then we have our wicked ass web site.

Shred hard or shred home

http://www.ghostryders.cjb.net/

Fng hump day

Well as we all know Wednesday/Thursday is the poor man's weekend because we have to week the damn weekend. So I like to make a nice breakfast and read the paper and pretend its sunday. Have you even taken the eggs out of the fridge to make breakfast and have the whole case flip onto the floor and not be able to even get pissed and yell because you did that last week when the moron Provigo people didnt give you your student discount even after you showed them your card and they said they would and when you get home its only then when you discover it and in doing so you knock over the bag of cookies, the only thing you were looking forward to eating, onto the floor and they were open so they went everywhere and you chuck the bread accross the kitchen because it was in your hands and start cursing every mother procreating son of a bitch moron in the world in a high voice in doing so scaring your girlfriend so this time when the eggs fall and there goes your breakfast and its not even your day off because you are actually working this whole poor man's weekend because when you get to be too poor you work 7 days a week? Yeah, that sucks when it happens.

No thanks-giving

Is it some kind of unwritten rule that something uncomfortable has to dominate thanksgiving to the extend that its not really a holiday to look forward too anymore since the disbanding of the Tansfield Ball Hockey Turkey Bowl cup tournament. I think ball hockey is what held it together, otherwise some weird family member will be present, unexpectedly with a new child or something or a new wife when you didnt even know he got rid of the last (could have even murdered them and spent 4 years in jail for all you know about him). Yesterday's wasnt that bad but it wasnt relaxing to say the least. Racist views accompanied the presence of a St. Bernard and a Great Dane. One of which constantly sniffed/liked the others crotch while the other on his turn fell into the green pool. The little stranger's baby was there, the francophone quoted stuff in Irish where his roots were from while Kate's parent from Ireland, genuine accents intact, stood feet away. I love the real 9th generation Irish of the Americas. The food was all great, started with a nice pagan blessing (that's classy for Witch) that included stuff like For the white skies drumming the beats of our hearts we give thanks. The funny thing is there was no giving thanks to the only thing you have to thank, the chefs and the full day of work they put into the 15 minute meal. Post meal discussions focused mainly on what the racist americans there viewed as canadian's misguidance of pronunciation and believe it or not some pro-Bush talk. I could have taken all this had there been ample wine, but I had one glass and one beer. I have learnt a vital lesson though, from now on every thanksgiving that I am not playing ball hockey I will have a flask hidden on my crocheted sweater or I will stay home sick, or I will just argue all night with lies and hyperbolies and obvious moronic statements until my face turns blue and my future invitations are permanently retracted.

Dont ever play golf, ever, you sadist sons of bitches. Golf is Jesus' invention to punish Satan for inventing porn.

Portuguese Lingerie

I cleared some definite ground today at my portuguese corner store. I have been putting in some serious face time recently in hopes of attaining friendly cold cut deals. I think they have local portuguese prices, friendly prices and normal prices. I have been goig there for most of my grocery needs and the meat counter guys and the cash boy know me. I am trying to figure out the best language of discouse seeing as how I dont speak portuguese but its tricky because even though they are all trilingual they speak different langues between each other in different patters so french or english with them is not clear. But, as I was saying, I made some serious progress today when I came upon the cash boy and the delivery boy in an arm wrestling match at the cash, I declined to go through until they finished the match (the older boy won, his favorite soccer player is Luis Figo ((he always wears his jersey))). The got a good kick out of that and then the dude gave me a deal on my special beer (Labatt Porter-$11), he only charged me as if it was normal beer (Molson Ex-$8). Nice.

In other news another mother wanted me to steal her away from ordinary today. She made eyes at me, changed with the curtain open in front of me and opened up her blouse for me to read the shirts tag that was attached to the front pocket. She also asked me if her shirt was too transparent. Not if seeing her old boobs in a black bra is what she was going. My boss told me later that she asked at the cash about me, was I jewish or not. My boss said that is the best compliment a jewish lady could give to me. I said the best compliment she could give to me was not to show me her old lady boobs. Im a big boob fan but I have my limits.

Toronto 6- Montreal 3

Knobjobs and their jobs

I know a lot of photographers and one thing about them is that they are all cool. Its almost as if they feel compasionate about being cool. Without the cool I feel that they would assume others would mentally devalue their work. What knobjobs. Kate is great but she isnt the coolest person I know but she is still a better photographer than most of those cool people. Maybe if they spent more time taking photos and less time fraying the edges of their new t-shirts to make them look cooler they would be better off. Its seems like the mentalic manerism associated with photographers is their cool, for lawyers its assholeness, doctors is pompousness, business people is cluesless-ass-eating-my-headnessness, rock&rollers its dirty alcoholicness, teachers its nightime sadomasichisticness and graphic designers its aloofnessness. What knobjobs. Jobs pay the bills they shouldnt supply personality thrills.

Im still pissed as hell

This tune is to be sung to any Hank William Sr. tune. Dont sing it mom, its got a lot of swear words and plenty or angry

Bike Stealing Knob Job

Taking a walk this Indian summer
but Life's pretty shitty, man its a bummer
Since I have to be walking
Some theif I be stalking
Some fuckhead stole my bike
The comie pinko kike
If I find the son of a bitch Ill give him a boot sandwitch
Then Ill feed my elbow to the mouth of his ugly bitch
The bike gang has been disbanded
My lifes gone to shit, its all underhanded
my cats now dead, living in heaven
You cant replace a stolen cat from a Seven Elevan
I cant no longer take my bike to work
I ride the subteranium suicide shell
Dick head bike stealer is such a jerk
Ill rape his soul and send it to hell
My scanner broke down
No worries I make so much money I can afford to throw more down
Piss panted looser beware even though Im loosing my hair
Ill beat his face it like Romeo Delare
He left my cut lock on a tree
No bike, no scanner, no cat, fuck lifes shitty


I think I found a new bike to use though. The same people who 'gave' Kate her cat have 'left' a bike for me to borrow. Its orange and pretty sweet, just needs a new derailer. The last time I put a new derailer on a bike it all went to hell though...
Thanks Jesus for giving lots of problems... thats what Im saying this weekend unless Jesus hooks me up with some new gear.

Somebody just stole my fuckin bike. Im gonna fucking kill someone.

What, what happened

What happened last night? Conor and I ended up at a gay Karaoke bar watching guys in chaps kiss and then we watched a faux porn doc from East Van and then we had some more beers at a Huge Lesbian bar that was 4 floors of crazy and then Black Mountain rocked the house at the National Theatre and then I came home some time and found this....

http://www.miscellaneousetc.com/archives/003799.html