The Boshanizer

I have been meaning to post this for awhile. Its a photo of the newest bike in my fleet. The Boshanizer is a Raleigh built in England during the 1940s to help kill Germans, thus its name. Its a solid bike that only needed half its parts removed in order for it to work. It originally had a back mud guard (rammed off by some jack ass road cyclist when he hit me), a chain guard bent to hell, reflectors everywhere that just kept falling off and a bike box holder that was missing too many screws. The kick stand is rubbing too so will soon be removed but otherwise she is a dandy monster.

I put another $50 in Orangetgotan today too, (see April 14 for update). It needed a new rim since it blew 4 tubes already this summer but now she is flying like never before. Bikes love getting new parts they shine and pur and go real fast.

Here is my beauty

Propagate the hate

Screw you Landis you douche-bag hose testical eating cheat. I knew it felt wrong not hating american cyclist. I feel bad about praising him now but he's getting his just desert.

Saw the Friendly Rich Variety show last night. Pretty good hoot. Along with an amazing 8 piece band that included a harp, basoon, banjo, more horns the kids show gone wrong was well written and very well realized. Their were transgressional kid's cartoons, boxing robots, egg tricks, burlesque puppets, a funeral procession for a puppet, prayer line crank calls and a singing deer head. It's hard to believe there is an audience for this but harder to believe that people can make a living at this when there are 12 performers and only about 40 audience members. Rich used to write for the Tom Green show. Tom Green is entertainment dead.

Cats do not always land on their feet. Proof: Pigeonz jumped off the bathroom sink onto the toilet as I was raising the lid knocking her in the head thus, propelling her backwards and she landed on her back. Science is fun, that was very fun experiment.

It's official, there's a new verb

Not surprisingly the Internet has spawned a new verb. It's not surprising because the Internet births 5 - 6 new verbs a day. Seventy five percent of those verbs are porn related but not YouTubing.

to YouTube: v, the action of watching YouTube Internet videos

Last night Kate and I were Youtubing some awesome fishing videos where Sharks would attack huge fish beging realed in. The craziest YouTube was a shark attaking another shark. Its worth a gander. Its funny how this thing caught on so huge. A few months ago I watched my first one and thought that the site would die pretty quickly or simply live in the oblivion of the Internetonians (those who live in the Internet i.e. spend more than 6 hours there a day) but its thriving.

Astronaught Spice is Gay

In shocking headlines today that momentarily dominated the front page of usatoday.com Astronaught Spice from 'NSYNC came out of the closset. It appears that he olnly wanted to go into orbit with russian astronaughs three years ago after Yuri promised him as astral bj overlooking the earth. For that he was willing to give up 20 million but for years he wasnt going to give up the fame and fortune of his band for a measly reach around. This is big news I'm sure to lots of 17 year old girls but why was it the lead story , even briefly, for a newsite when there are pretty much people dying every 10 minutes somwhere in the middle feast.

I also want to take this opportunity to appologize to Floyd Landis and all his fans. I watched a very entertaining piece on him last night. He is a mormon. His parents are from 1932 and dont own a tv and his mom truely still doesnt know how somebody can have a carreer being a bike ridder. Her terminology and lexicon really does shoot down eveything I said about him ridding sponsor money to the top. This is just some mormon who rode his bike around Quaker Pensilvanyia (sic) like a mad man with nothing better to do (except make sausages and molest goats). He is also one ugly mofo who really probaly isnt that smart and can just ride a bike for ever because his brain doesnt tell him he is tired. His mom, if you can find footage, is a hoot. She really has no clue how the world works out outside her front lawn.

Spoon and Cuddle our way to peace

There are a lot of troubles in the middle east right now. Everyone is fighting for the right to host the next super bowl. A lot of innocent people are dying for no reason.

I have the solution for peace. My best bud Chris and I could solve this dilema with a spoon and cuddle technique. While travelling and not bathing regularlyl it came to us that Chris' arm pits smelled like Lebanese cooking and bearded and shaggy I often got mistaken for Isreali. We got along for the most part. We did so by camping in sub zero weather where we would spoon in separate sleeping bags and cuddle for warmth so we wouldnt die. The middle east needs more cuddling and spooning and that will help pave the way to peace.

The only not super gay tight canary yellow shirt

Floyd Landis broke my dreams once again. No canadians graced the top ten, top twenty or top six million for all its worth. The third best sporting event in the world (1.World Cup 2.Stanley Cup 3.Tour de France 4.Women in bikinis) came to an end with the american Landis coming back on the second to last day to capture the grueling event. I dont like americans winning this race because I hate Lance Armstrong. Maybe he didnt use drugs but he is still a mutant to have been able to dominate to the extent that he did. Really its just sick. Its like me beating up 6 year olds, its fun as hell but gross and at the end of the day what does it prove. I hate the american cyclist because you dont see american cyclist in the US, or at least where I have been, yet their coaching, endorsement, funding money takes them to the top of a thoroughly european sport. Plus it should have been canadian Steve Bauer known as the north american bike hero of our century not ol' Crow banger. Bauer the best canadian on a bike ever (much further down was Curt Harnet and his halo-hair) reached the pinnacle of his career winning the first stage of the 88 Tour and wearing the coveted yellow jersey for five days. He eventually finished fourth but should have won cause I liked him a lot.

Tour highlite this year- totally naked flashing by 2 men and 3 women during the Pyrenese climbs that did not get censored by local CTV. Ron Reush had a boner and he was loaded on air as always so a drunked bonner by a 65 year old alcoholic validates my claim for this being the best of this years race.

side note: I liked the first american T d F winner Greg Lemond. He wasn't a terd.

Busy day at the office

TGIF, this is my daily office handy work. A great film and a great t-shirt.

35 Dead in the water

That's right, 35 dead queebsters already this summer from drownings. I dont know whats wrong with these people but they should know better to hit the water if they dont know how to swim or to lock up their pools so their toddlers dont go swimming alone. Thats a crazy high number.

I didnt see anybody drown over my water weekend. 3 days of swimming. Friday at the Laurier pool before some patio drinking. Saturday out at the home town of Queebster strong man Louis Cyr at some beautiful waterfalls with jumping spots and aweseome slides and great swimming holes. Great times out there after the pouring stopped and the sun came out. And yesterday at the McGill pool with its grass and side jump capabilities. Its great to bake in the sun, pull a flying squirrel than bake some more. Repeat. So yeah, I went swimming lots and didnt even almost drown and drinking and swimming is part of my curiculum so I dont know what those other fools are up to.

Don't hide your eyes (or your glasses)

Im not sure what this is. I was doing image searches today on the Internet looking for photos of celebrities in bikinis and the like when I came across this image. I have no clue what it is for or why it was on the site I found it on. I t hink everybody needs to see this though. I just made this the contest. The person who come s up with the best idea of what this is greats free home made cupcakes by me.

When you are done looking at it go play some games on the Internet to pass the time at work here: http://www.tripletsandus.com/80s/80s_games/foosball.htm

Its loaded to play foosball right away (beat the computer, I hate that bastard)

Tall Boys

Here's a shout out to all you tall folks. Just a reminder for you not to go to concerts and movies. You know you dont belong there tall people so stay the hell out. Just keep to your basketball courts where you belong or at the most just keep helping old ladies with lightbulbs. You dont see me trying to play basketball so stop ruining my concerts and movies. Fair?

Reich on

Who wants a cat that always reminds them of the holocaust?
- Nazis thats who.


I often jot down great ideas on matchbooks, shards of paper and magazines when Im out drinking and having a good time. I have piles of brilliant ideas littering my office. These enlightening moments may be fore brilliant t-shirts (camo belly) or tv shows (crime solivng caby) or inventions (Blackberry with scales for pot dealing hells angels). Often I dont remember writting them down nor the context in which they were written. The great line above is such an example. Although I do know from the page it was on that it was written last winter. Oh how I wish I could recall what train of thought/conversation led us down the road to holocaust cats.....

Wontco II

It really is true, the best payoffs come with the greatest risk. You have to take chances to get the most out of life. Thats why we snuck up to the balcony boxes for the Wilco show last night and enjoyed several songs with an insane view. All we needed to do was crawl under a fenced door. Sure the opening act came up during the encore and then security asked us to leave, which we did and boom back to the floor to watch the rest of the awesome set. They are one of the best bands around right now, period.

Okay what is with kids and pools and the deathtraps they have become. Some kid just lost his foot at a waterslide intake valve and has a risk of having his other amputated. What the hell? Its a water slide park with a hundred useless lifeguards everywhere. Unattended kiddy pools I understand, but its kind of survival of the fittest with those but when water parks become a danger for something other than cranial fractures and spinal blowouts than look out.

Remember Mussolini

Okay, big beef with Italy. What the hell are they doing winning the world cup. Most undeserving team to ever win the cup. They are horrible. Their team stinks and they play the borringest soccer ever. Somehow they managed to fluke out almost every game and got threw. USA almost beat them down by one man (most borring match ever for any sport), Ghana should have beat them. Czechs would have beat them if it were not for a red card. The Aussies should have beat them, they owned that game. Germany should have beat them badly. Okay, Ukraine didnt show up for this tournament and Italy beat them as they should but come on. One earned win for the whole thing. The Italians only have two moves: falling down and greasing their hair back. Maybe crying for their mom is a move too but its more of a Portuguese move. France owned those suckers and their is no way Italy deserves beating them even if Zidane is a knobjob who ruined his whole football career/reputation with one dumb head butt. Well my hatred for the Italians will grow for 4 years until South Africa.

Good thing the World Cup is only every four years. The racism it breeds, the racial slurs and stereotypes that appear throughout the tournament, and the world's new found hatred of the Italians would just foster wars if it were yearly.

Say Sir, that's one snazy pair of trousers

While biking the other night I was think ing of how much Iike to bike around and too bad that I t wasnt an onlympic event, the cruise biking marathon. That got me on to my other favorite summer activietes such as swimming and shaking it. That's when I came up with the Idle Man. Its a triathlon that is not about speed and endurance but more about style and fun. The first even is the swimming leg where the biggiest and gnarliest jumps off the diving board win. Flyign squirels are key. The next event is the bike cruise. This involves a chilled out shred session to as many bars as possible in two hours while consuming a pint at each bar. The final event that closes out the competition is the dance off where the tired, drunk , wet contestants have to strut their stuff and stump their rumps at a a groove-fest. There are no loosers in the Idle Man just wininners and retards. Girls are allowed to compete on the same playing fiels as men as long as they are topless for the diving evente/

Say Sir, that's one snazy pair of trousers

While biking the other night I was think ing of how much Iike to bike around and too bad that I t wasnt an onlympic event, the cruise biking marathon. That got me on to my other favorite summer activietes such as swimming and shaking it. That's when I came up with the Idle Man. Its a triathlon that is not about speed and endurance but more about style and fun. The first even is the swimming leg where the biggiest and gnarliest jumps off the diving board win. Flyign squirels are key. The next event is the bike cruise. This involves a chilled out shred session to as many bars as possible in two hours while consuming a pint at each bar. The final event that closes out the competition is the dance off where the tired, drunk , wet contestants have to strut their stuff and stump their rumps at a a groove-fest. There are no loosers in the Idle Man just wininners and retards. Girls are allowed to compete on the same playing fiels as men as long as they are topless for the diving evente/

Hallowed be thy game

So Blue on Blue this Sunday. The world cup this year as always has been great fun .It something to do everyday, then everyother day then once a week. Its nice how it doesnt make you just quit cold turkey like the NHL . You have time to slowly adjust to life without soccer. It will kind of be nice to have it over though so I wont have to listen to cars honk their horns all night. Plus I will save some money. I have been having to go out to watch games because of the no cable thing and its ended up costing me a fair penny. With all the meals, coffees and not to mention beers, I figure I have easily spent a few hundred bucks watching games while I could have just shelled out half as much and got cable at home for a year . Not atmostphere at home either and plus the cat is an Italian fan so tho that would have sucked. The Italian team only has two moves. Diving and slicking their hair back

Posthumous non believer

Often people in office buildings share space but know nothing about the people they share it with. Often the predominent thing a person does become them. For example, that guy is the tea drinker, or the hummer, or the man with the stupid car, or the woman with the cat calendar. I just found out what I was at the office. Im the guy who doesnt eat. People never see me eat because I eat at my desk behind my monolithic moniter so even my assistant finds it a rare occaision to see me chow down on some processed yummies. I guess the guy who doesnt eat is better then being the guy who pees on himself.

As the viceroy gallantly swung his penis forth....

Somehow, someway Joni Mitchel knew of what she spoke. They came in the night, took away the Austin Mini dealership and put up a Matres store. How does this happen without me noticing? I mean it must take a few days, it cant really be overnight. But boom, one day its a space designated to profer and distribute miniature british vehicles and the next its luring in the masses on promisses of a better sleep.

If both of those commoditiies still lie outside the realm of your pocketbook then the 10 bucks it would cost you to pick up a copy of Raymond Carver's short story collection Where Im Calling From is definitely worth it. He is a great short story writer. Just dont expect to look at your girlfriend/wife/boyfriend/husband the same way after parusing his pages.

Move on over

Canada day is all about moving over. After moving over its all about taking advantage of free beer and pizzzza. This year's ritualistic move-fest was awesome. 4 people, 6 appartments and one 20 foot cube van. As always a good move starts late, lets say four oclock. It involves a lot of boys, lets say 5 and a few girls, lets say 2. A few appartments have to be on 3 or 4th floors and the streets have to be filled with cars and no parking. With the prospect of all this I felt weary that we would be still moving at 2 in the mourning but to my utter amazement we were done at 10. 6 appartment moved in 6 hours. Insane. It was pretty damn easy to get drunk quickly after that.

The other great thing than free beer on moving day is free stuff left behind. This year was a little less profitable than others by I still walked away with a new bike that needed a little work and a burgler bat (Louisville Slugger softball style.) Add in the jazz fest, some pool action, patio fun and then you have yourself a good long weekend.

Oh, and what also makes a good long weekend but makes it seem short is if you go to the bar at 10am for a soccer game and leave 7 hours later after the next soccer game. If you happen to drink the whole time then yeah, its sure to give you a short long weekend.